


Bleach

by bluevalentin3



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-06-27 04:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15678231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluevalentin3/pseuds/bluevalentin3
Summary: As the cmbyn journey is coming to an end so is armie and Timmy’s. Flashing lights and lingering eyes is all they’ve known for the past few months. Through all this they are both trying to find closure and are finding it difficult to do so.





	1. fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> Got inspired to write this fic while listening to bleach by brockhampton

Timmy's p.o.v. 

I have to physically keep myself from crying the entire night. Press and awards are almost over and I don't want them to be but then I do. It's quite an internal conflict. On one hand it means I get to be close to armie and on the other hand I'm reminded of that summer almost every day. We did fall in love. We did get together physically and emotionally. The feeling was so incredible yet so indispicably sad because I think I always knew in the back of my mind that what we had couldn't and wouldn't last. It weighed heavily on me. All the time. I think I had felt every emotion a human could ever feel while being in Italy and sharing so much of myself with him. I'd never been so care free but so incredibly sad at the same time. It felt weird. Vulnerability is a weird thing.

Would things be different armie. If she wasn't around. Would they?

I don't regret what happened. It changed and shaped how I look at the world and how I see myself. It forced me to come to terms with who I am. Being who you are can be very scary but so liberating at the same time. 

I look over to armie in the taxi. The city lights are illuminating his face perfectly and the rain outside is calming. Such a dream setting. He's so beautiful. Everything about him I could never get enough of. Till the end of time I would always envy him and to even have been graced by his presence has been the greatest gift. I miss him every day even though he's here with me physically. We had to end things when filming ended. Armie had a wife and kids he needed to go back to, he needed to go back to reality, real life, there was no room for our relationship and under the circumstances it would be hard to hide and continue. 

I see his hand laying on the seat while he looks out the window and impulsively put my hand on his. I rub his fingers with mine and I see him turn to me and smile. 

"I love you armie" I say choking up  
"I love you to Timothée so fucking much" he says in a whisper

We don't talk the rest of the way just some silent glances but nothing else. We had just finished a screening and press in Chicago. Both of us were set to fly home tomorrow. I didn't want to leave at all. I wanted more time with him. It always seemed like it was bombarded with something or there was something we had to do for the media or his wife was calling and Skyping him 24/7 etc.

I want to stay in this city with him and never look back to our old lives. I wanted to start new. To start a life with him. I wanted to be happy. I could already picture it now. A New York looking apartment you know the bricks one that are brown with the stairs on the side so some people could climb up to their places. Books shelves everywhere. Our bedroom would have crisp white cold sheets with a white comforter and tons of pillows because I had learned when sleeping with armie is that he loves them and loves to hold them. 

All there's left to do is to continue imagining a life I will never have. 

We get to the hotel and thank the driver for driving us. We have separate rooms which I wish wasn't the case.

We head upstairs and our rooms are across from each other. 

"Armie" I say  
"Yes" he says before turning to go to his room  
"Can-can I sleep with you tonight" I ask shyly  
"No Tim I just don't think that's the best thing right now" he say sighing  
"O....ok I'm sorry" I say to him in a whisper  
I quickly rush into my room and lock it. Maybe slamming it a bit to loud. I just want.... to be wrapped in his arms for eternity. To be wrapped away from this gross world. Every time I touch his skin a rush of emotions go through me. His skin feels like home. It feels like every moment we have ever shared together. It feels like forever. 

I take my clothes off and just throw on a white T-shirt and sweatpants. It's cold in here but my warmth is in the other room. 

I stand by the window and look out at the city lights they remind me of armie always so bright and alive. To see him not lit up would be a concern. In a way I needed him to continue to be the light so that it would ware off on me and we could keep going. 

I rub my arms to warm up a bit and then went to lay down. Then i wrapped the comforter all the way around me imagining it was armie. I look out at the city again one more time and then fall asleep.


	2. Talk me down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk me down by Troye Sivan, listen to it.

Armies p.o.v

I wake up in a haze. An incredibly agonizing haze. It's time to go "home" more like a temporary home my real home is with Timmy. My life that I'm meant to be living is with him. 

I go to the bathroom to get ready to go. I splash water on my face and rub my eyes. My eyes force me to look at my reflection. I look tired. It's like every emotion is stamped on my face right now. 

I finish up and pack up my things. There's no way I'm leaving without telling Timmy goodbye first. I leave my hotel room and lock it, I go next door to knock on his door. His flight leaves a little later than mine so I have to go first.

"Timmy"  
"Hey armie"  
He looked like he had been crying but I didn't comment on it.  
"I wanted to tell you goodbye"  
His eyes start to water and he hugs me tight  
"Bye armie I'll miss you"  
"I'll miss you to sweet tea"  
I put my hand on his cheek and rub it gently  
"Take care of yourself " I say  
"I will, you do the same, I hope to see you soon"  
"Me to"  
We smile and glance at each other one more time and then I head out. As soon as I step out of the hotel I close my eyes for a minute basking in every emotion. My chest feels warm and tight. Not necessarily in a good or bad way. There's little flashes backs of Timmy. His laugh his smile. His warmth. 

Someone walking past me startles me and I open my eyes and try to compose myself while walking. There's no way I'm gonna be able to let this go. Let Timmy go. Ever. This will be something that sticks with me forever. Whether we end up together truly or not I will forever be lucky to have known such a warm person. I can say I had someone in my life that made me happy and made me feel alive. Being with him let me experience new things and new emotions and I could thank him a thousand times but that would never be enough. 

 

______________________

 

I get off my flight and head "home" I don't wanna walk through the front door. I don't wanna make dinner and not have Timmy helping. I don't wanna sleep in bed without Timmy cuddling me, I don't want silence. Without him that's all there is, everything is a haze like I'm barley there. Anything hurts less than the quiet. 

 

I open the front door and my kids come jumping into my arms. I don't feel happiness. My wife hugs and kisses me. I don't feel love. I walk into my house. I don't feel at home. This is not a life I was meant to live but I’m living it anyway for other people. Not myself. It’s time I live for myself.

After I'm done saying my hellos I unpack and take a shower, suddenly remembering all the times I had showered with him and felt his soft skin against mine. His touch was always gentle with me as I ran my fingers through his wet curls and after we would get out we would dry off and lay together with the window open feeling the breeze. 

Me and Elizabeth put the kids to bed and sit on the couch.  
“How was press with Timmy” she says  
“It was good I miss him though”  
“I bet you do, you two are very close” she says in a condescending way  
“Yeah we are and happy to be”  
“You know, he’s nothing special armie”  
“What”  
“You heard me”  
“Nothing special, really Elizabeth”  
“I’m just stating facts, you put him on such a high pedestal and talk about him all the time like your in love him or something, all I ever hear about is him”  
“Yeah well maybe it’s because he makes me feel okay for once!” 

She scoffs and I walk away, upstairs to go to bed. I start to blink away tears already, I just want Timmy to hold me, to wrap his body around mine and let me know that everything’s okay. He was always good at that, at comforting me and being there for me when I needed it most. Sadness is consuming my body and spreading like wildfire. I don’t know how much longer I can do this with Elizabeth. 

I eventually fall asleep but wake up hours later to Timmy calling.  
“What’s up tim”  
“Hi armie sorry to wake you”  
“It’s alright”  
“I made it home safe and I just really miss you”  
I carefully slip out of bed and go outside to talk to him  
“I miss you to tim, I wanna sleep next to you and be close to you, this quiet without you is killing me”  
I hear him start to cry  
We are quiet for a moment only letting his tears speak for themselves  
“I want to have a life with you armie I could never stay away from you no matter how hard I try or try to move on I just can’t, this life was meant for me and you, life is not life without you in it, I care about you so much it hurts”  
“I will figure something out and make this work, whether it takes months or even years, I cannot lose you, don’t give up on me Timmy, whether this ends in friendship or a relationship I will never stop caring about you”  
“I won’t not now not ever, I will never give up”  
“I love you”  
“I love you to armie goodnight”  
“Goodnight” I say in a whisper 

 

I love the 3am version of people.  
Vulnerable. Honest. real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s late and I’m sad and I wrote this and yeah enjoy :)
> 
> Posting again super soon I cannot stop adding to the story lol


	3. Take me home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Home” by daughter for this chapter

Timmy's p.o.v

"Goodnight" I hear him say in a whisper

I could talk to him for hours and never tire of the beauty in his voice. It's soothing and such a familiarity. I've know that voice for 2 and half years. If I could know it and hear it rest of my life I would be eternally grateful. 

Minutes after being on the phone I found myself watching our movie. The universe only knows why I did that to myself. 

The ending credits roll and I just stare blankly at the tv. My chest feels heavy again, it feels as if I'm always going to carry a little bit of sadness in me. We deserved better. our real lives and our AU ones. Such coincidental parallels. It all felt to real from the very beginning to the very end (now). I need his embrace. I need him. 

He reminds me so much of life's simple pleasures and everything effortless and sweet in this world. A good read. Fresh, clean sheets. A quick dip in the sea. A cozy, rainy Sunday morning with a book you can't put down and no place to be. He is home and he embodies everything honest and kind and good. He's insanely courageous and beautiful and wild. He is apart of me and my life whether in the future I choose to deny it or not. 

We have made our little mark in this world with our words, our caresses, and our love. 

I shut off the tv and drift off to sleep, I look to the sky, the stars seem a big brighter tonight. Maybe there is hope for us 

 

———-

Days pass and I try to make the most of them, particularly tonight I go out and see a film and pick up wine. I see an empty space on the sidewalk and sit there, looking at the city, it's pretty late just about midnight. I pull out my phone and go on instagram and see that Liz posted a picture with armie. He looks so happy. Like genuinely. Which I guess shouldn't be a surprise, he fell in love with her first. Years before I came along.  
I wish that was me armie was wrapping his arms around. In public. In front of friends. Fans.

I take a big drink of wine and shut my eyes. Tastes bitter and cheap but I continue to drink anyway to the point of being dizzy and things are blurry. Sadness hits again. I'm so fucking tired of feeling like this. Sometimes I question if this is all worth it. What am I waiting and hoping for? That armie is actually gonna leave his family and wife. Yea ok. Maybe this is all just a fantasy in my mind always on play and I'm never able to press pause.

I decide to call Pauline because I just don’t want to be alone and I can’t even make it home by myself, I probably look like an an embarrassing drunk mess but whatever shit happens. People feel certain things whatever. 

“Timmy?”  
“Pauline” I slur  
“Tim are you drunk”  
“Yes can u come pick me up”  
“Of course where are you”  
“*street name*”  
“Ok I’ll be there in 5 minutes don’t move”  
“Ok” I say quietly and hang up 

Minutes later she pulls up and walks towards me and kneels down. I clutch onto her and cry, she runs her fingers through my curls and try’s to comfort me  
“Aww tim come on let’s get you to my place”  
I nod and get up with her, she helps me into the car and we ride in silence. I stumble to her front door and she lets me in, she lays me down on the couch and sits next to me 

“Is it armie”  
“Yes” I choke out 

She knows about me and armie she’s the only person I told, I felt like I could trust her and I needed someone to get everything out to. She hates that I’m hurting and keeps telling me the situation isn’t healthy. I can’t help but keep a barrier between me and her words. 

“This is not healthy tim I keep telling you, you shouldn’t have to be like this, do you ever think maybe it’s time to let go” 

“That’s the thing Pauline I don’t wanna let go I just can’t not yet, I appreciate your words but just let me live my fucking life I don’t need your input 24/7 about what’s going on in my life” I start crying immediately 

“Ok night tim” she says quietly and sad, she goes to bed.  
I can’t believe I did that I hated that I hated myself in that moment more than ever, seeing her cry makes me cry. Everything is just so overwhelming with armie and then me getting drunk and then I’m yelling at my sister who very well could have just left me on the sidewalk. I cry myself to sleep clutching a pillow wishing it was armie. 

I wake up hours later and so does Pauline, I apologize to her and she accepts, she makes sure I’m ok and let’s me go home. I spend the day sleeping and throwing up from the wine, not doing that for awhile. 

It’s about 7pm and I get a text from armie 

“Tim can we talk”  
“Of course”  
“Ok I’ll call you”  
I get a call from him minutes later 

“Hey Timmy”  
“Hey Oli- sorry armie”  
“It’s ok” he says gently  
“What’s up”  
“I have to go to New York for some auditions, I would fucking love to see you Timmy am I able to see you”  
“of course you can see me”  
“Ok I’m leaving in 2 days, I still have your address so you don’t have to send it, I love you very much, I gotta go”  
“Ok I love you to” I say 

 

I see you and everything is better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got sad and drank wine myself and got buzzed lol enjoy!
> 
> Are u guys genuinely liking the story so far? :)


	4. Please read

Hey guys sorry I have not been updating. I’ve been dealing with school and my mental health. 

And I don’t know if I should continue this story because it hurts me and makes my heartache knowing that what I’m writing is a fantasy, that the concept of armie and Timmy actually being together might never happen, and I just found out today he could be possibly dating Lily rose depp, there’s pictures of them. Is it weird that I started bawling? Is it weird that I felt like a blow to my heart? Somehow I can’t let go of wanting them to be together, it’s like I holding on to any last string of hope and I understand that they are completely their own people but I just don’t know what to do I feel heartbroken. Anybody else feel this way? Anybody have anything to add to this? ♥️


	5. Slow it down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow it down by the lumineers

Timmy’s p.o.v

Well today is the day, he's going to be here, right next to me, up close to me. I don't know how I feel on one end I feel very sad because I know our time together will end agian but on another end I have to be grateful for anytime we have together, truth is, I don't wanna let go. I can't let go. I don't think I ever will even as time fades. Just thinking about having to deal with that weight on my shoulder for years to come hurts me in ways I could never describe to you or anyone. I have to watch armie and Elizabeth continue to be in love and go places with each other, I have to watch Harper and ford grow up, I have to watch them be a perfect family, through a screen. I just... I just wish I could be the one to make armie smile, I wish I could be the one armie lays with at night. I'm just feeling so small, I know nothing at all, I'm just a kid, I have nothing on armie and Elizabeth there mature and there put together. I'm just starting to learn to love and just starting my life but I could never imagine my life without armie touches and glances and his softness. I never wanna say goodbye.

———-

It's about 7pm and I have to go pick him up for my airport, my hands are sweating and I feel nervous I always get like this. 

I drive to the airport listening to white Ferrari by frank ocean. Me and armie always listened to this song and frank all time in Crema, it's something we share together. 

I pull into a parking spot and then I get a text from him telling me where he's at, I head there and spot him, his dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, beautiful smile, broad structure, and those hands, god those hands. I sometimes can still feel them on my hips and all over my body, intimacy with armie was something from another world it made me feel like I was in another world. 

"Hey T" he says gently pulling me into a tight hug  
"Hey armie" I smile  
He tucks a falling curl behind my ear  
"I missed you"  
"I missed you to"  
"You ready to go"  
"Of course your place is adorable Tim" he laughs  
I nudge his shoulder with mine and laugh  
We head to the car and he puts his things in the back then gets in  
The ride home is pretty silent except for some small talk like "how have you been" "the weather is beautiful" things like that  
It doesn't take long to reach my apartment I help him with his bags and we head up to my door, I unlock it and we head in, he puts his bags by the door and yawns, sleepy armie is the best armie because he's cuddly, I silently laugh to myself with a smile.  
"Ya tired" I ask  
"Oh yea"  
"You can sleep in my bed with me or the couch i don't care I just want you to be comfortable"  
"I think I'll share the bed" he laughs  
"Ok" I smile at him  
I lead him through the hallway and we go into my room, it's cool and crisp and smells like fresh laundry, clean.  
I open the windows and curtains to where we can see the city lights for miles, then I click off the light  
We crawl into bed, I lay on one side and he lays on the other  
"Come here tim"  
He opens his arms and I can already feel the warmth radiating off him, I crawl into them and put my nose to his chest, breathing in his scent, but I try to not make it to obvious. His hands feel like they were made to be around me. He tucks his face into my curls and takes a deep breath  
"Are you happy" I ask impulsively, I'm so fucking stupid.  
"What do you mean"  
"I mean just in general are you happy with your life and family, Elizabeth and the kids and stuff like that"  
"I’m trying to be”  
I feel a tear slide down my cheek and I can't hold back my sobs that start to come out of me, I start shaking, I feel so fucking bad he deserves better, we deserve better.  
"I want to be with you so bad armie" I cry  
I feel tears in my hair and I notice he starts crying as well  
"I wanna be with you to I wish things were different" he says shakily  
We hold each other and cry to each other for the next few hours. The blankets are tightly wrapped around us and we're tightly wrapped around each other with red noses and eyes.  
Stay close to anything that makes you glad you're alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of this is going to be set in Timmy’s p.o.v cause it’s easier and yea lol. I’m ready to pick this story back up because it’s important to me and I don’t wanna just give up, I can’t give up on something that makes happy and has kept me going. thank you to anyone still reading you don’t know how much that means to me ❤️


	6. I’m yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m yours by Jason mraz

Timmy's p.o.v 

I wake up with a headache from crying, we are still wrapped around each other. Thoughts from last night run through my head and it makes me want to cry again but I don't. I want to figure something out. I don't want to feel like this anymore. It's either we figure something out and try to make it work or it's time to say goodbye to each other. He can continue living "perfectly" with his wife and 2 kids and I'll have to find a way to some sort of happiness. 

I feel him shift next to me indicating he's waking up.  
"Morning tim" he says softly  
"Morning"  
We stare at each other for a moment with our foreheads touching and soon enough are hands are locked together as well. It shoots angst and happiness into my veins and the feeling is overwhelming.  
"I have 2 auditions I have to go to today so I'll be gone for a few hours" he says  
"Ok thats fine im probably going to go visit some friends"  
"Ok" he smiles  
I take my hand and put it on his cheek feeling his stubble from not shaving for awhile, my thumb runs back and forth on it, he continues smiling sleepily. I life my head up a bit and I study him for a minute. While doing so I don't realize that I'm kissing his cheek  
"S-sorry" I say stuttering a bit  
"Tim it's ok I promise"  
"Ok"  
"I'm gonna make breakfast do you wanna help" I ask him  
"Of course I'm always up for food"  
We laugh together  
“How does peaches and pancakes sound”  
“Like the best fucking breakfast ever” he laughs  
We make the pancakes and the and up getting batter everywhere, while dancing to brockhampton, you know I had to get armie into that to  
I turn the music down and we sit down and start eating, I immediately reach for the peach and eat it, by the time I’m done there is juice from it dribbling down my chin, I go to reach for a napkin but before I could armie takes his thumb and wipes it off my chin before taking that same thumb in his mouth. I’m speechless for a moment, it might have been the weirdest thing to somebody else but to me it felt so intimate, we stare intensely at each other for a moment then continue eating and talking.  
He helps me wash the dishes then goes to get dressed to head out.  
He comes or moments later  
“Hey T I’m gonna head out”  
“Ok bye arm”  
He smiles then walks out the door  
I then decide to text my friend Alina , I need advice on me and armie from a different perspective. She’s usually the best person to talk to about anything so I go to her  
T: hey are you free to talk about some stuff  
A:yea of course, where do you wanna meet  
T:there’s a coffee shop I like just around the corner from my apartment just head over and I’ll take you there  
A:ok on my way  
It only takes her about 3 minutes to get here so it shouldn’t be long.  
Minutes later I get a text she’s outside so I head downstairs and out of the lobby  
She gets out of her car and head over to me, I give her a big hug and she hugs me back  
“Hey are you ready”  
“Yep” she says  
I lead her to where it is and we head in and find a table, she knows about me and armie, I only recently told her  
“So what’s up T”  
“You know me and armie right”  
“Yea of course”  
“I don’t know what to do and I need advice, we are always so back and forth and I tried to let go but I can’t. I love him so much and want to be with him but the circumstances make it incredibly fucking hard, I mean he’s married with 2 kids, I don’t know whether to make it work or just leave”  
She has a sad look on her face

“You have to do what’s best for you T it seems like a toxic back and forth situation but if you truly love each other you will always find a way to each other, your relationship with each other does not have to stay this way, you could have the brightest future it just takes time”  
I take her advice sincerely and thank her, we grab a drink then say goodbye to each other, I give her a hug and I go back to my apartment to wait for armie, I’m kind of glad he’s away for the moment I need time to think. You may not end up where you thought you were going, but you will always end up where you were meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone thinks this story is a bit of a mess well it is and that’s because armie and Timmy’s relationship is a mess it’s not easy and their thoughts are a mess it’s complicated but they love each other and will find a way to make things work 
> 
> Everyone’s relationships are different and work in different ways 
> 
> Also thought y’all deserved some fluff, love my boys


	7. Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay by Rihanna

Timmy's p.o.v 

I fall asleep waiting for armie and eventually wake up when he walks through the door, it's about 6pm.  
"You were sleepin weren't you tim" he says smiling softly  
"Yea" I say back  
"You have that cute sleep look on your face and tour curls are everywhere"  
We laugh together endearingly  
"Do you wanna go grab some stuff for dinner" I ask  
"Yea sure"  
"We can walk there's a local grocery store about a block away it's nice out so it will be good"  
"Ok" he says  
We head out of the apartment and start walking, we share the headphones I brought and do little dances around the streets until we get there out of breath from laughing and faces hurting from smiling.  
It isn't to packed and I didn't spot any paparazzi so that's relieving.  
"What sounds good" I ask him  
"Hmm this is gonna sounds basic but spaghetti WITH meatballs" he laughs  
"It does sounds good" I laugh back  
We go from isle to isle grabbing the things we need and eventually we reach the alcohol section  
I grab 2 bottle of wine  
"Damn tim"  
"Wine is essential to everything" I joke  
We play tags like little kids till we get to the cash register  
I pay for our things and we head back, he carries the bags while I open the apartment door  
I start the stove up and start cooking the noodles, he comes up behind me and rests his chin on my shoulder and wraps his arms around me  
I only hear him say this quietly  
"I wish this was every night"  
"Me to" I whisper back as if we were afraid someone would hear us  
The mood suddenly turns melancholy and I have to hold back tears once again  
He unwraps his arms and helps me finish making dinner, it doesn't take long to finish then I set the table for us and pour our wine, we sit down across from each other  
"This is good" he says  
"Thanks to you" I say back  
He smiles  
We make small talk but eventually start getting tipsy from wine, we're both still very aware and conscious, just a little buzz. We finish dinner up and put everything away, after I end up laying between his legs on the couch with my back to his chest  
We end up reminiscing about memories from Crema I suppose from our tipsiness and longing.  
"God I remember the first time I saw you and got to know you Timmy, I felt so fucking alive more than I ever have"  
"Me to I fell so fucking in love armie" I start to shake and cry, sobs wrack my body  
"Shhh tim come here"  
I turn around and he presses me into his warm body, I clutch onto him as if it's the last time I'm able to. He lets me do that for a few minutes then I raise my head up with my eyes staring straight into his intensely.  
Our eyes have tears in them each tear falling at the same time  
Our noses touch and my breathing slows down eventually his does to, our lips our so close, so close that if he pulls away I will breakdown.  
He softly pushes his lips to mine and gently grabs my face, his thumb is brushing my cheek, this is the kiss of a lifetime.  
Soon enough there is tongue, passion, heavy breathing  
We pull away gently still looking at each other  
“Can I make love to you” he asks  
I nod and he stand ups and I wrap my legs around him, he carries me to my room and lays my down gently before closing the door.  
He removes my clothes with such care and tenderness, after, he removes his clothes, he’s hovering above me and we take each other in for a minute  
“God tim your beautiful”  
Tears well up in my eyes again from happiness, from being able to be skin to skin with him once again, from being cared for through everything.  
He opens me up gently and makes sure I’m comfortable, I gasp form pleasure and hold onto his shoulder, he starts to kiss my neck intensely, I know tomorrow there will definitely be marks but I don’t care. That’s proof of the love and passion we shared.  
My moans increase before he’s even inside of me.  
“You ready are you comfortable” he asks sweetly  
“Yea thank you” I smile  
He pushes in and we moan together, I haven’t felt him in so long I kind of forgot what it felt like, it compares to nothing else. Armie is a one of a kind feeling.  
“Fuck....fuck...fuck” I say brokenly he thrusts hard enough now to where the bed is gently hitting the wall  
“You feel so good Timmy I love you” he moans  
“I love you to armie” I whisper into his neck  
He continues thrusting and eventually hits that spot, I zone out from the pleasure he’s giving me, I only hear the noise from the city and skin slapping against skin.  
“I’m close” I tell him  
“Me to”  
He kisses my cheeks and forehead gently  
“Together” he says  
“Together” I respond back  
Our hand hold each other’s and we climax together breathing heavily.  
He pulls me into his body, my nose is breathing in his masculine scent. He hold onto each other tight. We don’t need words. Our actions speak louder.  
Armie, you are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known and even that is an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut is probably so bad lol I’m just an awkward bb trying to really write it for the first time, opinions on this chapter? Much love! ❤️


	8. There for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There for you by Martin garrix & troye Sivan

Timmy's p.o.v 

A few days pass (3) and it’s time for armie to go back tomorrow. I really don’t know if I can do this again. I don’t know if I can cry till 3 am again. I can’t deal with my heart hurting so fucking bad again. I need something stable in my life. I’m tired of hiding with him. I’m tired of us not being able to to truly be together. Im tired of the endless flights and goodbyes. I want him in my life and with me, every morning and night. I wanna wake up and go to sleep with him. I want to be there for him during his dark days. To be able to call armie mine, in front of everyone would be a big breathe of fresh air. To be able to be with the one I love would put all my broken pieces back together or at least start to glue them back together. I have never cherished someone so much in my life. This love is a once in a lifetime love. I will never get or have this again with anyone besides him. He is meant to be apart of my life, I feel it in my heart. These things that have happened to use every since filming has happened for a reason. The stars in your eyes always shined so bright to remind me that I would never be alone. Even though I would cry and feel so very low, I knew that that light in your eyes was still there, still guiding me and letting me know to not give us just yet. 

 

It’s about 4pm and me and armie decided to have picnic at one of the parks close by, it was very sunny and bright out, the air felt light almost like my mind and body and soul. 

He helped me lay out the blanket and we pulled everything out and set it up neatly. After we sat down across from each other and from there things looked up. 

“Your leaving tomorrow” I say almost in a whisper  
“Yea” he says I could hear the sadness in that one word  
“Don’t”  
“What”  
“Don’t leave stay here with me”  
“Tim you know I c-“  
“Yes you can I cannot take one more goodbye” I say almost starting to cry  
“Are you saying I should just throw my life away and start a new one with you” he asks in a serious tone  
Oh no.  
“I’m sorry I’m so stupid you would never do that”  
“Timothée Chalamet do you know I’m absolutely fucking with you right now I would throw anything away to be with you, you the first person who has ever made me feel safe and secure and loved every single day no matter the distance no matter the fights no matter the stakes and what life put in front of us, fuck yes I’ll stay”  
“Wait we actually do have to figure out Elizabeth and everything” I say quickly  
“We’ll worry about that later” he laughs  
I start to cry happy tears  
At this point we didn’t care that we were in public, we were off in a corner anyway.  
I climbed into his lap and he graced my face gently and kissed the heck outta me, we giggled into each other mouths and just gazed into each other. Home can truly be just another person. 

We hugged for what felt like hours, just gently touching and tracing each other. We ate our food and got probably to buzzed on wine but we’re to infatuated with each other to notice. We watch the sunset with love in our hearts and tears in our eyes. Happy ones of course. Just remember one thing from us. Be high and low and confused and inspired and soulful and unafraid to be exactly who you want to be. Be free. No matter the price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter you guys!!! I know this is short but I will actually be updating soon to finish this story up. I didn’t wanna drag it out to long and I have many ideas for some new story’s.
> 
> The next chapter will clean everything up and give you closure, this story and armie and Timmy mean so fucking much to me and I cannot thank you enough for the support, I have been battling depression and severe anxiety for the past 4 years, writing for this ship and for them has been a great escape for me, cmbyn has keep me going even when I didn’t want to anymore, I would sometimes look at pictures of armie and Timmy and tell myself I need to keep going for them and I need to keep going to see them be happy, that sounds cheesy as hell but whatever. All of this saved my life and I thank YOU
> 
> Much love,  
> Raven


	9. Breathin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breathin by Ariana grande 
> 
>  
> 
> I know I said the rest of this would be set in Timmy’s p.o.v but this one absolutely needed to be in armies.

Armies p.o.v 

The next morning I flew back to Los Angeles only for a day, i booked a ticket last night, I needed a day to sort everything out. 

I walked through my door and it no longer felt like home, but I knew where my home was, back in New York with Timmy. I find Elizabeth on the couch with the kids  
“Daddy!” They both say running up to me  
“Hey kiddos” I say smiling and hugging them  
“Harper I’m gonna talk to mom for a minute can you take ford to go play”  
“Sure daddy” she smiles and runs off with me  
I sit down next to liz and try not to get overwhelmed with everything I’m about to say  
“Hi” I say quietly  
“Hello armie” she says seriously  
“I need to tell you some things”  
“Ok” she says  
“I’m in love with Timmy have been ever since I started filming, and we both know this marriage hasn’t been working, the love between us is not there anymore, I’m choosing to stay with Timothée in New York for my happiness, I wish you the best liz, I’m going to fly back there tommrow and be there for good, I’ll come visit the kids and if your ever in New York they can visit”  
“You fucker” she says then continues to go off on me calling me this and that  
Before it gets to bad I leave but don’t worry I hugged my kids and told them I loved them very much, I told them I would be filming for awhile and just stopped by to check on them which really wasn’t the case but in that moment I couldn’t explain everything.  
I end up staying in a hotel for the night and book my ticket back while I’m there. I feel so fucking free and that I’m actually finally being myself, my authentic self. All my life I’ve been taught that being who i was was disgusting, that being bisexual is against god said by my mother, I married a woman to make my mother happy, me and Liz really were in love for a moment but that love faded very quickly. The moment I met tim everything changed for the better. He made me feel comfortable in who I was and now it’s time to start living for real. I will no longer waste my days pretending to be someone I’m not. 

I stay up for a few more hours scrolling around the internet and eventually fall asleep but not forgetting to set my alarm. 

I wake up super early and board the plane, it’s packed of course but it’s fine because I know what I’m going home to, someone who loves me, someone who makes me feel safe. 

The flight takes a few hours but eventually land and when I do I spot him and his soft curls, white T-shirt, sweatpants, and converse. it makes me just wanna cuddle the hell out of him, which I will actually make happen once we get home. 

He runs up to me and hugs me while pressing his nose into my chest and inhaling. I run my fingers through his curls and hug him back with all my love. I could give a fuck less if anyone spots us. 

“Hi” he says softly  
“Hi baby”  
He smiles while tearing up  
“Ready to go home” he says  
“Fuck yes” I laugh and we walk out holding hands, his soft hand against mine. Stay close to the people who feel like sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful and purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think “yes, I’m exactly who I want to be” . To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all you know. The whole world. And you should never forget. 
> 
> Thank you guys for staying with me through this lil journey hugs and kisses to all of you


	10. Please read

Quick question, would you guys like one shots of them living together in New York like little moments or would like me to do a part 2 to the story or would you like me to start something new


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